Anish Kapoor, Fine Art Super-Villain
Now that the blackest substance in existence has been created, sculptor and giant jelly bean maker Anish Kapoor has gained exclusive rights to use the transdimensional darkness.
Vantablack! The darkest, blackest substance ever created by humans, inspiring awe and knee-quivering in fine artists worldwide. And it has fallen into the clutches of a megalomaniacal fine art super-villain.
Vantablack, created by Surrey NanoSystems is made of carbon nanotubes, and insidiously feels just like the substrate onto which it is applied, while rendering it virtually "unseeable" by drinking in all light like those creatures in that hype movie Attack the Block starring the awesome John Boyega.
Kapoor, also known as the sculptor who caused widespread madness in Chicago by depositing a giant reflective jelly bean suspiciously known as the "Cloud Gate" (his words) in Millennium Park, has said that Vantablack,
"rests on the liminal edge between an imagined thing and an actual one. It’s a physical thing that you cannot see, giving it a transcendent or even transcendental dimension, which I think is very compelling...Outside of my project, Vantablack is being developed for military stealth and technologies where one needs to restrict the use of light"
This makes Kapoor the world's greatest fine art supervillain since Jenny Holzer took over Times Square.
(ALL HAIL QUEEN HOLZER)
Other fine artists, including evopunk painter Flying Trilobite, have vowed to create their own illicit Vantablack production lab, restoring the power of this art material to fine artists, and the world.
— Glendon Mellow (@FlyingTrilobite) February 29, 2016
Flying Trilobite claims he just needs a successful Kickstarter and the backing of secret benevolent government agencies to wrest Vantablack's power from Conqueror Kapoor and his hazmat-suited minions at Surrey NanoSystems.
This author wishes Flying Trilobite luck in saving the fine art world from CERTAIN DOOM.
*Not really Surrey NanoSystems: A.I.M. Advanced Idea Mechanics drawn by Jack Kirby, Marvel Comics.
**This is all satire about a depressing fine art world / #sciart development.